Parents become too involved in their children’s schoolwork, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation
The start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork and homework
What are her intentions for the school year?
Begin by discussing what intentions she has for this school year, i.e. let her tell you what she wants to accomplish.
Ask about her learning & grades
Learning: ask questions about what she enjoys, grades she desires, and especially why; ask her what her plan is to accomplish these goals; what did she learn last year during covid about how to study and stay on track?
What are her goals for her social life & activities?
Friendships: What does she want as far as her social life? deepen current friends? attract better ones? Have friends in different groups? What is her plan to achieve this?
Activities: why does she love the ones she does? Willing to try new ones?
Intentions for personal growth
Personal growth: Are there any ways she’d like to get out of her comfort zone and stretch herself? Take more risks? Try new things? Advocate more for herself? Not compare herself so much? Raise her hand in class more often? Show up as real self vs façade?
Why autonomy creates self-motivation & self-responsibility
Autonomy: Ask why they want whatever they decide; they need more autonomy to develop become more self-motivation and self-responsibility
Autonomy = engagement = perseverance = fulfillment = they own results so it’s their touchdown dance
She may falter at 1st b/c not want to take responsibility and used to parents jumping in to fix and rescue; there may be a learning curve so be patient; if she feels stuck or falters, ask her, “What will you do?”
The time to begin letting go is now!
The time to turn over responsibility for their schoolwork is now! The costs of faltering are much lower the younger they are. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college to let go.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For comprehensive information about your daughter’s social and emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
FREE VIDEO: The Top 5 Things Your Daughter Won't Tell You (but wishes you knew)