Show Notes:
There are reasons behind why parents micromanage, overprotect, overindulge, and become over-involved in their children’s lives. In this podcast you will learn about the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and the effects of “Ghosts in the nursery”.
What is the vulnerable child syndrome?
Vulnerable child syndrome: kids become vulnerable to being parented differently because of experiences like problems getting pregnant, problems during the pregnancy, perinatal problems at delivery, or any issues in the baby’s 1st months. Worries about their child are planted in parent’s minds that sprout later on into ineffective parenting.
The concept of ‘Ghosts in the nursery’
Ghosts in the nursery are any unresolved experiences or emotions from parent’s past that can resurface and “HAUNT” their parenting; Psychiatrist Selma Fraiberg describes them as visitors from the unremembered past of parents, the uninvited guests at the christening.”
Unresolved issues and feelings from parents past can include things like being neglected or abandoned, feeling shy and left out, living in a home with parents with addictions, problems with infertility or miscarriages, difficulties during the pregnancy, postnatal problems like slow weight gain or failure at nursing, or illnesses in the first year.
Specific areas where parents fall victim to ‘ghosts’
Dr. Jordan tells stories to illustrate each of these “ghosts” as well as the places where ghosts commonly appear: sleep issues, feeding, discipline and tantrums, dating, mental health concerns, school concerns, and letting go.
How parents can avoid the vulnerable child syndrome
Solutions: Dr. Jordan describes the need for parents to become aware of any ghosts that may be affecting their parenting, bring any related feelings to the surface and express them in order to normalize them. These emotions will then no longer have power over you.
Parents can then make the connection between their ghost and their present parenting behavior = “Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time letting go”.
Contact Dr. Jordan: drtim@drtimjordan.com
For more information about effective parenting strategies, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You Are Flying By the Seat of Your Pants
