Show Notes:
Girls need information about puberty and sexuality, but most of sex ed should be relationship education that starts in early childhood.
When should you discuss sexuality?
When: girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier, with the mean age of beginning breast bud development being around 10 in Caucasian girls and 9 in African American girls. So, education about the changes coming to their bodies and why should begin around 5th grade before the changes begin.
Where should sed ed occur? Home and School
Where: Sex ed ideally should be a parent-school partnership. Aaron Carroll, a professor of pediatrics at the Indiana University School of Medicine, wrote for The Times in 2017 that studies have shown that “comprehensive sex education improved knowledge, attitudes, behaviors and outcomes. Abstinence-only programs did not.” When you narrow the question to teaching just high schoolers, both Republicans and Democrats overwhelmingly support a broader sexual education: According to a 2017 study by Leslie Kantor and Nicole Levitz in the journal PLOS One, “More than 89 percent of parents that identified as Republicans or Democrats support including a wide range of topics in sex education including puberty, healthy relationships, abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases and birth control in high school.”
Parents role in sex education
Parents role: How? The majority of sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years.
Building solid relationships at home: If parents consistently meeting their needs in healthy ways, kids grow up feeling loved, important, safe, accepted for who they are, and able to trust other people; this becomes the template for all future relationships
teens who feel loved have best boundaries= high deservability
Learn and practice relationship skills at home: have a voice, be assertive, resolve their own conflicts, set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and get their needs met with their parents and siblings; take skills to relationships with peersèdating relationships
Teaching girls to be aware of & trust their intuition
Teach girls to become aware of & trust their gut: aware of their internal alarms that go off at critical decision points, and how to get quiet and go inward in order to know what is right for them get clear about their sexual boundaries when they are alone and quiet, avoid making bad choices in the heat of the moment
Why might they ignore alarm? Like the boy, not want to be lame, fear he’ll move onto hotter girl, feel behind, want to get it over with
Effects of alcohol & drugs on girl’s boundary setting
Dr. Jordan discusses the effects of alcohol and drugs on girls vulnerability and ability to set boundaries.
Learning non-sexual ways to connect
Need to teach teens how to connect in nonsexual ways; hookups are often done because girls feel lonely and disconnected.
Teaching kids about consents critical
Dr. Jordan discusses how to teach kids about consent throughout childhood so they are prepared to respect and take care of themselves, their friends, and their partners.
Sex ed thus is a series of talks and education all along the way; not a one and done. The quality of your relationship is key: does she feel safe bringing her questions & concerns to you? Trust that it won’t go anywhere? Won’t be judged? Will try to see from her point of view,; ask before you give feedback or offer info.
Good article on normal puberty in girls & boys
For more information on Dr. Jordan and his programs, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com and read his book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls
