Dr. Tim Jordan is joined by Joanna Lilley, a professional consultant for young adults, to discuss the most important attributes to look for to know your daughter is ready to go off to college. They explore how parents can offer the right level of support to their college-bound children, preparing them not just physically and financially, but most importantly, mentally and emotionally. Joanna also discusses the value of gap years, how to support girls who struggle with the transition, and various ways to prepare girls throughout their childhood to ensure a successful launch.
Resources:
- Joanna Lilley’s website for her counseling services called Lilley Consulting: www.lilleyconsulting.com
- Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com Amazon Book Link: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants
Send questions for Dr. Jordan to answer on his next podcast to: anne@drtimjordan.com
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Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here
How Can I Tell If My Daughter Is Ready For College With Joanna Lilley
Are Your Kids Ready For College?
I’m back with you with the brand-new podcast. It’s summertime but it won’t last long and this may come out at the end of the summer because I’m usually about a month or two ahead. Even so, a lot of parents sometimes wonder if their child is ready to go away to college. I don’t know if we talked enough about that. There’s a lot of assumptions like your kids are eighteen, they’re senior in high school and they’re just ready. We push them out the door ready or not, here they come. We can be more thoughtful about that, so I decided to ask an expert to come on the show. Her name is Joanna Lilley.
She has a Masters in Counseling and Therapeutic Consulting work. She’s been working with young women ages 18 to 30 for a while. She’s working some wilderness therapy programs. She’s coached students on academic probation at two different universities. Now, she has her own business where she researches programs that can give support to your sons and daughters in those college age years, I believe. I thought I’d be fun for her to give us some insights into what she sees with young people and to talk about readiness. First of all, welcome to the show, Joanna.
Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.
You’ve had some good experience working with young people with different kinds of needs and things. I’m just curious in general and this is too general of a question, but how can parents know that their son or their daughter is ready?
I talked about this pretty frequently that there is a difference between being college capable and being college ready. Being college capable is what most people assume like what you were just referencing. They’re eighteen, they graduated and got accepted to college. They’ve done all the things that demonstrate that they are like college bound so they “should be good.” What we’re talking about in terms of college readiness is where they are socially, mentally, emotionally and even physically.
Thinking about all areas of wellness because in the grand scheme of things, they have demonstrated in high school that they were academically capable of achieving some accolades or whatever it was that was necessary to be eligible or to be accepted to a university. The real question is, do they have resilience? Have they experienced adversity? Do they have friends?
Did they lean on other adults other than their parents for support or are parents the only support system that they have? Are they already struggling with their mental health? Are you worried that if they go off to school that they’re not going to be able to take care of themselves? There’s just so many components to it but what it all funnels down into is this category of college ready.
Red Flags To Look Out For
What are some red flags that parents or some “obvious” ones you see most commonly that would say, “I don’t think that she’s ready?” Where’s some red flags that parents can look for?
I appreciate you asking this and I want to answer it in two ways because we’re talking about this going out potentially at the end of summer. Here’s like the 11th hour decision of, “Are they ready?”
The high school senior, it’s like, what can I look forward to?
I’ll answer it that way then. The biggest piece for somebody who’s never been off to college is we have to ask the question, have we given that young woman the space to figure things out on her own? Without any type of reminders or without any type of emotional or mental support from the parental perspective. We’re talking about something as simple as waking up, making sure they’re eating, they’re taking care of themselves, doing their homework and the list goes on. To me, that’s probably one of the biggest red flags. As a parent you’re seeing your daughter struggle to self-initiate in any way, shape or form because that’s a huge red flag.
Once she goes to college, which for those of us who have gone off to college, we know college is a lot of free time. Even if you are engaged in extracurricular clubs or activities, you still have a ton of free time. If, all of a sudden, you’re going to struggle with any of that time management, organization, initiation of tasks or whatever, then you’re going to see a young woman who’s going to unravel quite quickly.
I wonder what you’re seeing in this day and age. I see a lot of young people, and this is going to sound judgmental. I’ll never admit I said this but I see a lot of young people who emotionally aren’t growing up and as they approach that senior year, they haven’t had the opportunity. Their parents have done a lot for them. I know it’s a cliché but I find it to be fairly true. They love them emotionally and as far as problem solving and those kinds of things you mentioned. A lot of them have not had the opportunity. I remember we took our daughter to her orientation.
I’ll never forget, we were seeing the audience with her and the people came up and gave talks. Finally, the dean of students came and said, “Your sons and daughters are going to leave the auditorium. They’re going to go down the hallway to where they want their majors or they think they might be interested in. They’re going to sign up for their first semester classes. Parents, stay here.”
Our daughter and all the young people left, then the dean of students said, “When we’re done and you go back to pick up your son or daughter. You will not be allowed into the room where they’re signing up for their classes. This is the time you need to start letting go.” My thought in my head was, “You idiot. If this is the first time you’re letting go, your kid is screwed.” I didn’t say that out loud.
Truth, but that’s a prime example. That’s sometimes the first time where parents are relinquishing some control. Again, it’s not even like there’s no knock on parents. Honestly, I look at the education system where we’ve relied heavily on parental involvement to ensure that these students, young women specifically, are successful. If that’s the first time that, all of a sudden, the parents are being like, “Here’s a boundary. You can’t cross it.” That’s an issue for the parents.
That may seem simple like waking yourself up in the morning or eating adequately. It may seem like duh, but those little things are also important because otherwise, they can get derailed pretty quick.
[bctt tweet=”The biggest red flag for a college-bound student is seeing them struggle to self-initiate in any way, shape, or form.” via=”no”]
Nutrition, sleep, hygiene and physical fitness. I talk probably ad nauseam about how they are like sneaker or sleeper issues that we don’t address enough. Again, we’re so focused on academic success. When in reality, all of those things eating and getting rest impacts a number of things and being physically active. Those are all things that also play into your mental well-being. If we’re talking about somebody that has a history of any type of mental health struggles, that emphasizes the need for making sure that they’re eating, getting good rest and being physically active.
Preparing Young Adults On Dealing With Uncertainty
The young adults who I counsel like the high school seniors for several years in college especially. I find that one of the things that they struggle with the most is dealing with uncertainty. It’s a big life transition and there’s a lot of life transitions where all of us normally feel uncertain. We don’t have it all planned out anymore, but I find a lot of them were not prepared to deal with that part. I wonder if you’re fighting the same thing.
I would say that it was that existential crisis. It’s always existed for this emerging adult population. Who am I? Identity development. Who do I want to be connected to? Whether it’s intimate or not. All of a sudden, you’re learning, what do I want to do, like that independence piece. Again, who am I and how do I contribute to the world? Sometimes, because social media were a little bit too overwhelmed with the possibilities that exist.
To your point, there’s also this fear of these unknowns. When fear is not harnessed appropriately, we know it manifests into anxiety, which is why we see such a huge increase in a lot of young women and young men, too, honestly that are struggling with either generalized anxiety or social anxiety especially as they are transitioning into adulthood, but let’s also peel that back. Look at the environment. Let’s look at politics and the economy. It’s also no wonder that there’s this increase in uncertainty because there is a lot that we don’t have control over. We also just live through a pandemic. Talk about being completely powerless. I do think that there is an increase in young people that are struggling with what’s to come.
I want to highlight and you could add to it. What I hear from a lot of the young women also is they’ve been told their whole life, “You can be whatever you want to be. There are endless choices,” which is true. On the one hand, that’s like, “I can be whatever I want to be. There are so many choices.” A lot of young women I see are overwhelmed with the number of choices.
There’s almost like a paralysis of trying to make it. It’s almost like this fear of choosing wrong, like, I chose the wrong path but then to your point, they’re just so many options that sometimes people don’t even know where to start. They’re at that place and they don’t even initiate. What’s the point? There are so many options. Again, I don’t know where to begin.
We’ve conditioned them to the culture to believe that if you make one “bad choice” decision at a junction like that, your whole life will be derailed and you’ll never be able to get back on track and that’s not true. As somebody who’s as old as I am, I can look back. I’ve read biographies and talked to so many people. I know that there’s no truth in that but they think that and that’s part of their paralysis.
They haven’t lived to experience that there’s more than just bad or good, Black or White or healthy or not healthy. We don’t live in a binary world anymore. Unfortunately, a lot of that acceptance of their being more comes from lived experience and when your brain is still developing, you’re referring to what you know and what you’ve seen in your upbringing. It’s no wonder.
Putting Too Much Pressure On Young Adult’s Mental Health
We’re talking with Joanna Lilley. She owns a company called Lilley Consulting and she works with young adults 18 to 30, helping them with the whole college process, preparedness and also overcome glitches along the way for them. This is maybe too simplistic a question but having a history of some mental health issue like depression and anxiety. What does that do for a kid’s choices and they’re readiness?
That’s a great question. I do think that we’re asking a lot more of those young people. Those are the types of students too that we’re looking at some pre-college preparedness type program or experience, whether it’s like a one week or some short intensive over the summer just to dipping your toe in the pond to see how you respond to being on a college campus or handling any type of like social structures that play out in a residence hall and again just navigate what it looks like to have a substantial amount of free time.
For a parent, some of the things that I’m often seeing is, does the young adult understand the medications that they’re taking and why they need to take them? Do they also understand how to communicate of now they’re having side effects that are impacting them or if they’re not taking them? That’s a huge red flag. The other piece too is, does the young adult also know that they need support in addition to? I know I just led with medication and that’s not always the response or a part of the treatment journey for a lot of those young people but sometimes it is.
Do they know that they need to continue working with a therapist? Are they open to working with a coach? Have they done some psych testing so that they can pass that on to the disability or accessibility office to get support with accommodations? Are they willing to demonstrate? Not just, “Here’s this paperwork.” I want to get whatever that support or accommodation is. I would say a little sidebar. I work with a lot of young people that will go through the process of like, “I submitted this paperwork, but I’m terrified of even talking to my professors about my accommodations.”
[bctt tweet=”Do not lean on what the school have in taking care of your mental health. They are limited and usually solution-focused. You need to be more proactive and secure the right support. ” via=”no”]
There was that fear, so they ended up hurting themselves academically. That resource was there all along, so we need to take advantage of it. A long-winded response and all of this is, it takes a lot more work. You need to be more proactive to make sure that the supports are there. I would not lean heavily on what on campus as a resource because campus resources are limited or solution focused. If we need more, think about what could exist off campus or virtually to help you in that process but it requires more, especially for parents, too.
I would guess it would help during the high school years, if they’ve been able to exercise that muscle of advocating for themselves, reaching out and talking to their doctors and things. Otherwise, we’re plopping them a thousand miles away and they’ve never done that for themselves.
Unfortunately, all too common, honestly.
Why Young Adults Must #TakeABreak
There are some kids and this is true. I know people are going to be screaming when they’re reading this. There are some kids who might need a semester off of school or year off of school either before college starts, in the middle of college, or at the end of their four years. I’m wondering where you sit with all that?
I’m honestly, I’m a huge fan of #TakeABreak. I do work with a lot of young adults that are deferring their college admission. I find that those 18- or 19-year-olds are attuned to the growth that they need to be able to just be a better student. Not just a student but a whole person on campus. They also have pretty profound insight. When I work with those clients, I’m always excited because I’m like, “You know what you’re looking for and we’ve got a targeted plan for what it is that we’re seeking out in terms of experience and skills during this time off.”
For the students that take a break from college, they tried it. What I often find is that one of the first things that I’m having to deal with is unpacking a little bit of shame that just played out and/or this like internalized imposter syndrome. Why did that not work out? Sometimes there is a blame like for the student, “That campus was not a fit. My roommate was a total miss. My professors hated me.” There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance or different types of thinking traps that you can hear me playing out.
What I find is that not only do the students want to return to campus. There is more of a sense of urgency than ever to help them re-establish some confidence. If it is more mental health focused, we need to target that like, what just happened? Did we have a pretty significant depressive episode? Did you have a panic attack that led to you being like, “I can’t leave the room. I’ve got a withdrawal from the university?” Also, everything in between but the idea there is that sometimes there’s a little bit more shame that’s associated with it.
If I can step back from being in the weeds from those experiences, the biggest thing that’s most important and I also say this until I’m blue in the face is that college isn’t going anywhere. If a student decides ahead of time that they want to grow a little bit or mature before they show up on campus, great. If they attempted college and it wasn’t a fit for whatever reason, mental health or otherwise.
It’s still okay to take a break and then you can reassess. Do I even want to go back to school? If I do, great. Can it be the same school? Possibly. You have to figure out whatever their return policy is. Regardless, it’s all about the student and your readiness. Again, that readiness piece goes back to the very first question that we discussed, which is, where are they emotionally and in all other areas of wellness outside of the classroom?
Spending Gap Times Outside Of Home
By the way, we’re talking to Joanna Lilley who has a consulting firm working with young adults 18 to 30, helping them through the transitions to college and in college if they’re struggling in any way. She’s a great resource. I have a couple layers of questions. One of them is just, there’s certain gap times. They’re different from other gap times. I’m just curious if you have some thoughts about what are some optimal kinds of things.
I was thinking about two of my camps who are coming this summer. One of them did a semester and one did a year of college. It was like, “I’m just not motivated. I need a break.” At the end of summer, they’re going to spend six weeks in Vermont working at an organic farm. This was woofing things and learning about beehives and organic farming. They’re going to Italy for two months.
They’re going to harvest olives and grapes and all that. That, to me, there’s so much growth potential in that as opposed to, and this is going to sound terrible again, just like working as a barista and hanging out in your parent’s house. I’m just curious about what experiences you’ve noticed promote the most growth and insight.
[bctt tweet=”Having a clear plan makes a real difference in your college years.” via=”no”]
You hit the nail on the head. Probably the one common denominator is whether or not the student is still living at home because that’s where it feels like we have and again, this is anecdotal based on what I’ve been working with and seeing. The parents have a hard time with whatever boundaries are in place or the house rules and expectations, especially as it relates to whatever the cadence was when they were in high school if the student was high caliber. If the parent was usually evolved. I’m going to use that example that you just gave. All of a sudden, now you’re just “a barista.”
There’s some judgment, whether or not parents realize it that comes into play. Even if you do your best to hide it, it’s certainly going to be spilling over and the young adult understands that they are not living up to their potential. Maybe they’re not getting out of this experience. Regardless, all I can say is the best type of gap experiences are ones where you are outside of the home.
It doesn’t have to be a full year. It could literally be, I’m going to go somewhere for four weeks or I’m going to go somewhere for just the semester. Find that place. Find the community because those types of experiences are what’s going to give you this life-like experience in life that we have never had. Especially if you are just having graduated high school.
Chances are, you’ve never lived outside of the home. This is the first opportunity. Again, going back to those three Is that I was talking about earlier the independence, identity, and intimacy. Those are three key components to emerging adulthood. What better way to explore that when you’re outside of your parent’s roof?
How Parents Can Provide The Right Support
If they take a gap semester or year and they don’t have the money to get an apartment or something and they are staying at home. What is it that the parents can do that would contribute to their daughter growing up in that time even if they are still staying at home?
I don’t want to completely say that staying at home is a bad idea. Where it works is where there is a clear plan and it’s communicated, what parents are wanting to see from their daughter and what their daughter has identified for herself. It’s like, “Here’s what I want to do. Here’s the plan for what I’m going to get out of these experiences. Here’s what I need from you as parents for support.” Again, having a clear plan is what makes the difference. I say it’s not just communicated. I want it in writing.
I’m one of those old-school people. I’m not saying it’s a contract, but if we have it in writing then it’s real. We can reflect back on it like where are you in terms of your goals? Where are we as a family in terms of the support? I do think that there’s an opportunity, too. Parents, if you’re a young adult, are working and they’re making money. Let’s talk about financial literacy because we do not talk about that enough. I’m not saying that your daughter needs to pay rent, but let’s give her the experience of every part of her paycheck, you’re asking her to contribute X amount to the house fund or something like that.
As a parent, you can hold on to that if you want to and give it back at the end of their gap experience, or whatever it is that you discuss as a family. You’re teaching a lot of these life skills. Now, my only hesitation in all of this is, it still does put a lot of pressure on parents to be overly involved in this process. That’s the million-dollar question.
Is your child, your young adult woman living at home and going to create more stress for you as a parent? Especially if you have your own anxiety, like managing what is going on. That might also be just an opportunity to have that conversation of, “Maybe you can stay with us just for the fall, then we need you to go live with your aunt and uncle for the spring.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living with other family members too as long as they’re supportive of whatever that gap experience plan is.
You tell me if this is true from your experience. One of the things that helps parents be more open to what you’re talking about is if an 18- or 19-year-old came to their parents and said, “I’ve been thinking about this. I don’t want to go back next semester or I don’t want to start. Here’s why and here’s my plan.” They thought it through. The parents are blowing it off. They’re just immature and all that. It’s like, “They thought this through and they have a plan.” I’m writing it down. Not necessarily a contract but some level of accountability like, “We need to check back and make sure you’re on track or you need to make sure you’re on track and you have a better way of saying it.”
It’s tremendously helpful and it’s also important for parents to understand that it is their choice as well, because just because your child doesn’t go out to college or maybe they did. All of a sudden, it’s like, “It’s not working out. I’ve got to come home.” Coming home doesn’t have to be the only option. Especially if you as a parent are raising other younger children and you’ve gotten into a rhythm and routine and this child’s supposed to be out of the house. We’ve got to have a real conversation.
As a parent or if you’re a part of a parenting unit, you can decide whether or not you want to host your child again or if you need to redirect. This is where I would say lean on other family members or if it’s becoming more of a mental health crisis or something like that. We’re just having a conversation like, “You’re going to stay with us for a week. We’re going to figure out a plan. The plan does not include you still living with us. We love you to death but this is not how this is going to work. We have to figure something else out.”
[bctt tweet=”College is not going anywhere. Give yourself the permission to go on an adventure, whether just in your own backyard or halfway across the world. ” via=”no”]
In general, you mentioned before the culture has a hard time with what we’re talking about. One of our sons went to college. He graduated the four-year course and then he applied and got accepted into Teach for America. He went to Chicago and worked in Inner City Middle School for two years. He loved the working with the kids. He didn’t like the bureaucracy. He did not want to be a teacher. He was a political science major, so everybody was like, “You go to law school?” “No, I don’t want to be a lawyer.”
Anyway, when he was done, he had saved money. He bought a tent, a backpack and a ukulele and he took off. He went to New Zealand. He didn’t know anybody. He was gone for 22 months just backpacking around. He ran out of money so he stopped and picked fruit for a month or two in an orchard and he traveled and worked at a seafood restaurant in Australia for a while then he travelled some more.
My point was going to be that we had a lot of adult friends who are like, “Are you okay with that?” We’re like, “This is a grand singing since sliced bread.” He was already mature, but this is so empowering to him to know he can make it happen because he was flying by the seat of his pants. A lot of adults have problems, even if they’re kids take off a semester, it’s like this is fear of, “They’ll never go back and they’re going to have a crummy life.”
I love that your son did that. That also speaks to the level of parental attachment that you had too and the trust that he could sort it out. I do think a lot of parents struggle, at least those that I work with. Regardless, I would say with that story, I wish more young people did things like that. Even going back to like what he did. Teach for America is a great experience. I’ve had several friends personally who did that and it was like, what set them off on the paths that they ended up landing or going down professionally.
All that is to say, your son probably learned the most ever in those 22 months and yet, he also probably has experiences that he will continue to lean on based on that time abroad. What better place to learn some of these like fun things? It’s like, “I ran out of money. What do I need to do to make some money so that I would like put a roof over my head?” If you’re in a tent, let’s go to food, “How do I put some food in my mouth?”
Several times, he sat in front of a train station playing his ukulele and people would put money or give him money.
Good for him because that, to me, is an adventure. More of our young people are afraid to do what is outside of the norm and the norm is still pushing people. When you’re eighteen and you graduate high school, you should go to college because that’s the path that you need to take. I’m going to continue to say it, college isn’t going anywhere. We need to lean on having more of these adventures even if they’re in our own backyard rather than halfway across the world. Still, something to learn from is going to be tremendously important.
Teaching Young Adults To Be Proactive
We’re talking to Lilley Consulting and she works with young adults supporting them through how to figure out your future process, the college process, gap your process and struggling in college and all the kinds of things. She has loved experience in that field. She’s a great resource. I’m going to ask her to give you some information about how to reach her in just a moment but this is a loaded question. If you can give parents a piece or two of advice about how to best prepare your daughter to be ready to embark when they’re eighteen. What would that be?
Not to be a squeaky wheel. I honestly think what we talked about earlier would be the best advice, which is to be proactive. I would say start early. They just graduated high school. If we can do it, junior and senior year of high school, start to peel back and let your daughter start to initiate. Start to keep her own schedule. Ask her to call her pharmacy to make sure that her medications are on time. Have her schedule her doctor’s appointments. Start to at least put a little bit of that adulting on her and see how she handles and/or responds to those requests.
The reality is, we’d be surprised that your daughter will probably level up and show up the way that she needs it. The earlier that you could do that, the earlier we can all know if her plan is to go off to college or whatever it is that she’s going to do after high school. She’s going to be prepared for it and able to advocate for herself or be self-sufficient.
Dangers And Disadvantages Of Tracking Your Kids
I have to ask you this before I let you go. What do you think about the 360 app? I have these young women who go off to college and their parents are still following them around 24/7. I don’t know if I’m just old and happy or what, but I just can’t wrap my head around my parents following me around when I’m off to college.
I know. It’s funny because I just talked about this for a very long time. I also struggle with it. I get parents why there’s some sense of security and knowing where your kid is. I also think that it never allows them the space to entirely be independent and make decisions for themselves because if they’re going out and doing something and, all of a sudden, they get a text, “Why are you at this location or why aren’t you in class?” There’s oversight that needs to be removed. Again, I know that we live or we were in a fear-based space of like there’s a lot of creepy people out there and like, how will I make sure that my kids okay?
There’s a better way to do it. Teach safety. What does it mean to be safe on a college campus or on a trip abroad? Whatever the case may be. I am anti-watching or tracking your kids. That’s my own thing. I try not to be judgmental for parents that feel uncomfortable removing that. For the parents that try it, it helps them also understand that, at some point, we have to shift away from being a parent where you’re monitoring your kid all the time to being a partner launching into adulthood.
Get In Touch With Joanna
We can teach them street smarts all the way through their childhood. You can live in the city that has a subway or you allow them to do it themselves, buy the ticket and get on and learn how to take care of themselves and never go out unless you’re with one of your friends. Your friends can know where you are because you’re at a party together. You can check up on each other. There are so many ways they can take care of themselves. It may not if they know their parents are going to do it for them.How can people get a hold of you? What’s the best way?
The best way is to just land on my website, which is www.LilleyConsulting.com. From there, you’ll find all sorts of things like show interviews because I also host a show which you were a guest on and excited to check that one out. Articles that I’ve written and a lot of these topics that we’ve discussed, but to dive a little bit deeper in the content and then just information about how I work, what I do and anything that might be helpful as a resource for parents.
Go to www.DrTimJordan.com like you always do and that link will be there for you to get a hold of Joanna for her services. Thank you so much for what you’re doing. It’s such a need. I see so many young people who are struggling with the uncertainties and not knowing how to take care of themselves. It’s nice that there’s people like you out there who can get them some guidance.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
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It was a great conversation. I appreciate Joanna Lilley being on. You can start early enough to prepare your sons and daughters to be ready to launch. Whatever that date is. It may not be when they’re eighteen. It might be later. Whatever they launch into the world, whether it’s college or wherever, there’s so many things we can do to let go all along the way. It’s a small step when they’re eighteen. It’s not a huge overwhelming thing for them because they’ve been thinking for themselves and problem-solving for themselves and taking care of themselves for years.
They’ve made some mistakes and they’ve learned from them. They’ve made some great choices and they’ve learned from that. Don’t wait until they are eighteen and you’re driving them off to the university. You can prepare them all along the way. Don’t be afraid of your young adults taking some time off. It behooves them to have a plan for why they’re doing it, what they want to accomplish, and have a plan like Joanna was saying.
I think some time off is invaluable. There’s so much growing up that can happen doing those sorts of things that we talked about. Don’t be afraid of that. It’s their path. Let them do it in their way and their time. They’re going to make some mistakes. Let them make the mistakes in their way and their time and learn from them. All of us did that. This is not some new phenomenon. Remember that most of us didn’t start it at point A at age eighteen and get to Point Z at age 50 in a quick straight line.
Most of us zigzagged our way there. We made choices. Sometimes they worked out and sometimes they didn’t, but we zigzagged to another thing and another one and we found our way. Allow your daughters to find their way in their way and their time. You can love them, support them, offer feedback if they ask for it, but don’t do it all for them. Read this one with your daughter. Especially if your daughter who’s a junior and senior in high school and maybe talk about what they’re doing to prepare themselves or their launching when they’re eighteen years of age.
Pass this one on to anybody you know who has a daughter who’s in high school, late in high school, or maybe starting college. It might be helpful. Come back here in a week for a brand-new episode. Check out my book. By the time this episode comes out, my audiobook should be done, My Keeping Your Kids Grounded When You’re Flying By The Seat Of Your Pants book, I made into an audiobook. The audio part should be published by the time this episode comes out. Look for that because a lot of people ask me to do that because they said they don’t like to read books. They like to listen to them.
Important Links
- Joanna Lilley
- Joanna Lilley on Instagram
- Joanna Lilley on Facebook
- Lilley Consulting
- Keeping Your Kids Grounded When You’re Flying By The Seat Of Your Pants
About Joanna Lilley
Joanna Lilley holds a Master’s degree in Counseling from West Virginia University in Morgantown, WV, and is a Nationally Certified Counselor. Prior to entering the consulting field, she spent over a decade working with struggling adolescents and young adults. Her experience includes six years as a field guide in both state-run and private wilderness therapy programs, as well as working in higher education—coaching students on academic probation and serving on a university treatment team for those participating in an in-house recovery program as an alternative to suspension.
Drawing on this extensive background, Joanna transitioned into consulting to focus solely on supporting young adults and their families. In this role, she serves as an independent matchmaker—connecting clients with the right therapeutic or educational resources rather than acting as the coach or provider herself. Known for her empathetic yet direct approach, Joanna builds trust easily with both young adults and their families. Her clients consistently value her honesty, transparency, and ability to communicate with clarity and compassion.