Why Is My Teenager So Disrespectful?

Show Notes:

Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached but more supportive.

The many ways we disrespect teenagers:

How schools disrespect teenagers

School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character


We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power.

How an autocratic parenting style disrespects kids

Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path

Ways we disrespect kids when listening to them

Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening.

Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives

Comparing children to their siblings

Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often 

Why bombarding teens with 20 questions after school feels disrespectful

Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her  time to decompress and make sense of her day.

High expectations and not allowing teens to build their own identity

Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path.

Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours.

Respect Their need for privacy and alone time in their rooms

Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room 

It’s so disrespectful to take your anger out on them

Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children

Don’t take teen’s moods personally & react with disrespect

Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same. 

Respect teens by letting go of the teacher role & knowing what’s best for them

Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them 

Respect them by always asking permission before you give advice or feedback

Ask permission before you give advice!

Contact Dr. Jordan: for more information on raising daughters, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com


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