Show Notes:
Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached but more supportive.
The many ways we disrespect teenagers:
How schools disrespect teenagers
School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character
HOW PARENTS DISRESPECT STRONG-MINDED CHILDREN
We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power.
How an autocratic parenting style disrespects kids
Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path
Ways we disrespect kids when listening to them
Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening.
Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives
Comparing children to their siblings
Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often
Why bombarding teens with 20 questions after school feels disrespectful
Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her time to decompress and make sense of her day.
High expectations and not allowing teens to build their own identity
Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path.
Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours.
Respect Their need for privacy and alone time in their rooms
Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room
It’s so disrespectful to take your anger out on them
Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children
Don’t take teen’s moods personally & react with disrespect
Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same.
Respect teens by letting go of the teacher role & knowing what’s best for them
Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them
Respect them by always asking permission before you give advice or feedback
Ask permission before you give advice!