8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening

Show Notes:

If you want to remain an influence in your daughter’s life, avoid these 8 mistakes parents make in listening.

8 Mistakes parents make when listening:

Stop giving me advice!

Stop giving me advice! Just listen, mirror, and empathize without trying to reassure, fix, or problem-solve; when girls share, they shift from their amygdala & emotional centers into their prefrontal cortex where reason can supplant emotion.

Be fully present vs. distracted!

Don’t turn my venting around and make it about you!

Stop hailing on me!

Stop hailing on me! The concept of the turtle, your teen, and the hailstorm, you, fits here. Teens often normally retreat a little into their shells due to their need for privacy and individuation. Parents often worry due to receiving less information from their teen, so they ‘hail’ more, i.e., ask more questions at the wrong time, which causes the turtle to retreat further into their shell, and so on. So stay calm, don’t hail, and the turtle has a responsibility to poke their heads out and share more so that you both avoid this issue.

Respect my context!

Respect my context: allow teens to have more control over when, where, and how they share with you. If teen not sharing about their experience or feelings, try not asking direct questions about them but instead ask how their peers are feeling about the issue. Dr. Jordan offers more examples of how to find the con text that works best to make her feel safe to open up.

Stop playing hot potato with my emotions

Stop playing hot potato with my emotions! Once she vents, your daughter often walks away feeling lighter and thus can move on from the situation. Don’t be left holding onto all of her stuff, release it and you move on as well.

Stop mixing your story into mine!

Stop putting your crap onto my story! Don’t add your feelings & personal past stories from your childhood into their stories and situations, it causes them to feel overwhelmed. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of Ghosts in the nursery click on this link to hear his previous podcast on this concept.

All kids need a safe, secure base

How Ps handle their own distress strongly influences the psychological climate at home, which then shapes the emotional lives of kids. Teens need a safe, secure base they can rely on to be there for them when needed. So,  stay calm when responding to an upset teen.

Be available in case they need you

 Be available: if you are around enough and available, teens know they can count on you to be there just in case they need to talk or bounce things off of you. Just like when they were toddlers and came back for some loving support, teens need the same kind of present, caring parent for security and love.

For more information on how to support your daughters, go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com and check out past blogs and podcasts, my 6 books, and my retreats and camps.


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