Show Notes: Girls often respond to toxic friends with tend & befriend behaviors instead of moving on for fear of being alone.
Understanding the importance of girl’s friendships
Dr. Jordan describes how important friends are for girls and their fear of losing them if they confront them about being mistreated, even to the point of putting up with abuse, Girls haven’t learned the skills for handling conflicts directly and so their emotions get pushed below the surface pushed & fester. These feelings then leak out as drama and relationship aggressions.
The female brain predisposes girls to be part of a group for survival
Listen in to learn how the wiring of the female brain predisposes females to want to connect, avoid conflict, and maintain social harmony. Since prehistoric times, close bonds and being a part of a group meant you had a much better chance of survival; being left out meant death!
Understanding female’s tend & befriend response to stress & fear
Dr. Jordan discusses how female’s primary response to stress and fearful situations is not fight or flight, it’s tend and befriend. Girls thus prefer to fix their relationships as opposed to ending them.
Good girl conditioning makes it hard for girls to confront friends
“Good Girl “conditioning makes it harder for girls to confront others, speak their truth with authority, and know their needs are important too.
other reasons girls cling to toxic friends
Some girls hang onto toxic friends because they feel responsible for their friend’s mental health and fear their friend will go down the tubes if they move on from the friendship.
Many girls are desperate to be included in the more popular group and thus willing to be abused by them. It feels good to be noticed, popular, and have a sense of belonging even if your aren’t treated well.
How parents can support daughters with toxic friends
Don’t push daughter to dump toxic friends. Listen to her story & feelings, ask what she wants to do, role play setting boundaries, let her know you understand her fear of losing group. She will be more open to hearing your feedback and suggestions if she first feels heard and understood.
For more info on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth/leadership development weekend retreats and summer camps as well as his school program, Strong Girls, Strong World, go to his website at drtimjordan.com
Check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need for a deeper dive into understanding your daughter’s friendship issues and how to support her.
