Best antidote to bullying: 86,400 reasons to not sweat the small stuff

The lesson of the following story applies so well to the girls that I work with and the issue of bullying. You have $86,400 in your account and someone stole $10 from you; would you be so upset with them that you’d be willing to throw all of the $86,400 away in hopes of getting back at the person who took your $10? Or move on and live? Right, you’d move on and live. See, we have 86,400 seconds … [Read more...]

Best remedy for painful relationships: believe in yourself!

The most common reason girls don’t take care of themselves in both friendship and dating relationships is the negative beliefs about themselves they have acquired from past painful experiences. What you believe about you will drive your thinking, words, and behaviors, and if not reversed, will limit your potential. The reason behind most adult’s unhappy marriages and unfulfilling lives almost … [Read more...]

Why amazing girls feel lonely

Some of the most mature, socially-emotionally intelligent tween and adolescent girls I know feel lonely and out of the loop with peers. It used to shock me, but no longer. Their stories have revealed the truth behind their disconnection. Madeleine, 15, was ditched by her group of friends in 7th grade after they chose to hang out with the more popular group at school. She didn’t like the way … [Read more...]

Why girls like drama

There is a reason why girls in middle school get enmeshed in drama: there are a lot of payoffs. Yes, that’s right, girls receive goodies for being involved in drama and it contributes to keeping them stuck. A group of girls in 6th-8th grade at a recent weekend retreat I facilitated shared the reasons being their involvement, and I think you might be surprised by their insights. Drama looks like … [Read more...]

How to help girls bloom? Fix toxic school environments

When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. Alexander Den Heijer Working with girls for over 30 years has taught me that they are not messed up, hormonally driven creatures with poor self-esteem; they are fine. It’s the toxic environments where they spend their time that is the real problem. Put a girl into a safe, nurturing, nonjudgmental environment … [Read more...]

Why Girls Are More Aggressive Today

To begin with, I think in many ways that girls in grade school on up are more aggressive and earlier than girls in past generations. There are many reasons for this change, and in this blog I will focus on a few. Title IX is partly to blame. The court ruling opened the door for girls to have greater involvement in more sports and at younger ages. In previous generations, the pinnacle of a … [Read more...]